i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she peed on how many people?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
