The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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