Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
