he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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