What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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