hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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