just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
