So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
