I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
