i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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