i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
