I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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