and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize