You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
