He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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