At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
