Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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