i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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