Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
love makes seman taste better
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
