South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
we made out on top of his cat.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
