i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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