I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
