dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize