How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
