I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
