Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize