My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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