Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
