why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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