watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
