she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
