I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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