i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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