Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
and you said cock pushups were impossible
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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