Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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