I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
