Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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