HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
