margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
