Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
