dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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