I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Damn victory sex feels great
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
