Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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