Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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