two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize