Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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