It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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