Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize