I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
