The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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