if i can run in heels then i can drive
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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