Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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