the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
This house was built for laser tag.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
