And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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