College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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