I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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