Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She bit a glass in half.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
