i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
